This is the line that gave it away for me.. "the firm will guarantee all traders using our brokerage will be profitable. "
Great joke Mike, it had me going there for a while..
(April Fools isn't until Sunday)
"It was later reported that Goldman is currently in talks to switch all trade desk and execution services over to the new 'Big Trader' platforms as soon as possible. We tried to reach Goldman for comment, but they called us a Muppet and hung up."
Nothing so Impressive as Simplicity
The following user says Thank You to CRM5096 for this post:
I think in the heat of the big moment Big Mike just forgot to mention that the Big Trader Platform has incorporated the the Patent Pending technology called No-Click Trading.
What this revolutionary technology means that traders now NEED NOT CLICK to initiate or close trades. All a trader has to do is think of the amount of profits (s)he needs for that week and trades will be automatically initiated / closed in appropriate sizes with No-Click buys / sells. Since the trader has not clicked, note that (s)he is not obligated to pay any brokerage on the same.
The implications of this advance are truly far-reaching and most brokerages are seeing dwindling volumes after most of the trading population has now opened a Big Trader account with this new fantafabolous technology.
Profits are now a way of life.
However note that traders need to purchase the optional addon Quasi-Fuzzy NeuroPositronic Brain Synch subscription service (see the Risk Free two-week trial offer below).
Note: Clients opening accounts on or before 1st April 2012 are restricted from thinking about INFINITY as a profit-target. This restriction will be in place due to a bug discovered in the final pre-release testing of Big Trader where INFINITY profit-targets lead to overheating of all 64 cores due to super high frequency trading activity of 3770000000 round turns per microsecond. Think INFINITY at your own equipment's risk.
The following 2 users say Thank You to iqgod for this post:
Yes, we can accept that to start you in our Micro account size. Then when you are ready, you can fund a real account.
Due to time constraints, please do not PM me if your question can be resolved or answered on the forum.
Need help? 1) Stop changing things. No new indicators, charts, or methods. Be consistent with what is in front of you first. 2) Start a journal and post to it daily with the trades you made to show your strengths and weaknesses. 3) Set goals for yourself to reach daily. Make them about how you trade, not how much money you make. 4) Accept responsibility for your actions. Stop looking elsewhere to explain away poor performance. 5) Where to start as a trader? Watch this webinar and read this thread for hundreds of questions and answers. 6) Help using the forum? Watch this video to learn general tips on using the site.
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The following user says Thank You to Big Mike for this post: